Real Reflection: What am I Doing?

Okay. I'm going to say it. I'm getting sick of this weather. I've always been one to relish the gloomy days but there are only so many hours spent reading or Real Housewives marathon watching that I can take. I just want the sun back. Just for a little bit!

Anywho, I woke up this morning to find the fruit stand and banana hook completely empty. Woops, parents must have forgotten that their daughter is a fruit fiend and her moving back in means the fruit moves out quickly. I didn't really feel like running out of the house on a fruit hunt at 7:30 in the morning looking my absolute best. So I decided to go for savory. Whipped up this little charmer that really hit the spot. I've always been a fan of breakfast egg sandwiches and normally make them with fresh tomatoes. However, we were out of those too. (Don't you just love days like these -- note the sarcasm). I subbed salsa for the tomatoes and decided to keep the nacho-y theme going with a dollop of greek yogurt and slice of Reduced-Fat cheddar. Kicked up the health points with lots of spinach and finished it off with a sprinkle of salt and peper. Num!

I usually take my morning jog about an hour or so after breakfast and was so looking forward to it as it had been since Friday that I'd run outside. Just as I slipped on my tennie's, though, it began to rain. I decided to stick with the trusty elliptical in the basement and did 35 minutes of varying resistance instead.  Even though I wasn't able to get my fresh air, I got nice and sweaty and caught an interesting episode of I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. Have you guys ever seen that show? Leave it up to TLC to find people with the strangest stories that freak me the eff out. 

Lunch rolled around and I was SO ready for a Green Smoothie. I'm addicted. I used the same recipe as the cantaloupe smoothie I made a few days ago but had to omit the banana. I added a scoop of vanilla protein powder to give it some oomf and keep me full throughout my long afternoon of Nannying.

I drank my smoothie alongside a sweet/salty Almond Butter Cran-Apple wrap. Next time I make this I won't dice the apples. They kept falling out as I tried to eat it! I think slices might work out a little better.

Nannying seriously tires me out! The girls I watch over are 5 and 3 and bursting with energy. I love playing with them because their imaginations (especially Alli's, the 3 year old) are hilarious. Molly, the 5 year old, is a bit more regimented and does things pretty much the same way every time she does them. I've babysat for this family ever since Molly was a year and a half so it's been awesome to see them grow up! But MAN oh man they know how to run a girl down. I definitely need a nap when I get back home ;)

So I've been thinking a lot about my journey and relationship with food. Where I've been, where I am now, and where I ultimately want to be. My attitude has shifted so much throughout the years from one of food-loathing to one of food-respect. But do I really want to have respect and respect only for food? I realized today that I've let my perspectives be molded by outside opinions. When I struggled with my eating disorder, I saw all food as bad because food was the one and only source of calories and essentially weight gain. Avoiding all food was the best relationship I could hope to have with it if I wanted to be thin, I thought. 

Recovering from my eating disorder taught me that not all food was bad. I learned what was healthy and what was best for our bodies. I learned to appreciate fruits and vegetables, learned to differentiate between good and bad fats and whole and refined carbohydrates. But I still avoided food. I avoided the bad: Cookies, cakes, ice cream, red meat. These were still my enemies. Counting calories remained my virtue and vice. I thought I had everything under control, picking and choosing carefully everything that goes into my body.

Where do I want to be? I don't really count calories anymore, basically because I've learned to recognize what are appropriate portion sizes and what food I really want to eat. I've become, over the past year, a lot less stressed about precise caloric intake because I found myself eating less-nutritious food simply because of a lower calorie content and restricting myself from fully enjoying what I ate. I guess that's where I'm confused. Should I enjoy food? It seems to be the healthy answer -- to enjoy what you eat. But then again, enjoying food too much, or enjoying too much food is what lead our country into the serious diet-related disease crisis that we now face. I know a healthy diet is so much more than the common perception of a grilled chicken breast next to steamed veggies on a plate. This community is teaching me new things every day -- I'm bombarded with new perspectives and philosophies that all are highly inspiring. I'm just confused. 

What is your perspective on/relationship with food or healthy eating?

How much do you feel you control what food you put in your body?